The Missing Year
by windofmysoul
Summary: This is a crossover between TMNT and the Guardians of the Galaxy. For the most part the references to the Marvel Universe will not be too in-depth, as will references to Guardian characters, this story will mainly be focused around the turtles. Leo will be the predominant focus of this story as per usual.
1. Chapter 1

**The Missing Year**

**This is a crossover between TMNT and the Guardians of the Galaxy. For the most part the references to the Marvel Universe will not be too in-depth, as will references to Guardian characters, this story will mainly be focused around the turtles. Leo will be the predominant focus of this story as per usual, but don't worry although not featured right away Raph, Mikey and Donnie with their winning charm and charisma will come into play**

**The story is split up into sections.**

**Disclaimer: Hello as usual I do not own TMNT or it's characters. Even sadder I do not own Guardians of the galaxy or any of the references made to their characters or universe. This is an AU, based off a few pounders I had left over from my story finding Leo. Sadly neither Swift nor the 'space pirates' will be featured in this story. **

**I am trying some experimental strategies, mainly in structure please let me know what you think. Like I said this story is on the experimental side so there will be a time shift later on. Also the story is split into sections, I am currently still working on section two so I really have no clue how many sections there will be. If you have any comments, concerns or recommendations please let me know. I would be thrilled. I honestly have no clue what you think of my writing unless you let me know so please do. But I am not fireproof so please avoid flames. **

**Part One **

**Chapter One**

A light flickered in the far corner of the hulk of the ship. The small boy watched it passively as he listened from his bed to the sounds of the ship he had grown much accustomed to in the last few months. Leaning his head back against the cold wall he could feel the energy of the ship passing through the metal. The feel and sound of the life stream of the metal beast was as familiar as that of his own heartbeat. He often fell asleep to the hum of the ship. At first it was foreign, freighting and strange. He wasn't used to being so far away from home, not used to being dependent on technology for life. It was unnatural. It was unnatural there was no other way to put it, it was unnatural to be in space. To be in a spaceship surrounded by these scavengers, alone except for these strangers. Depended on the filtered air, gravity and life support systems of the metal ship. It was like something out of science fiction. Yet his whole life had a chapter out of science fiction. At least he could take comfort in the familiarity of the oddity. He had after all not grown up in the most conventional way. Before space, before this unnatural life dependent on life support systems, and rocket projectiles, before his life was in the hands of roaming thieves; he had lived in the sewers. It hadn't been the most ideal life, but he was happy. Actually he had been very happy. Back then his whole world made sense, he knew exactly who he was, what he wanted and what his role was in life. Now. He had no clue. He had lost his home, his family. He had been taken from all he knew. He had been taken from his planet! Everything was new and alien to him. He knew nothing. He was learning everything over again. He was trying to be brave, trying to be strong. But as time passed, things were less terrifying. The unknown soon became exciting rather than frightening. But worse than being afraid of a world you didn't know, was growing accustomed and forgetting the world once known to you. The longer he was gone, the more natural this felt to him. The more attached he grew to his jailers. But worst of all, the longer his was gone, the more he grew accustomed to the absence of his family. He could only help but wonder where they thought he was, what had happened to him. He wondered if stopped looking for him, if they thought him dead. Tears welled up in his eyes at the thought. He grabbed his knees and pulled them to his chest, letting his tears flow down. He let out a teary sob as he began to hum rocking back and forth, back and forth. He was nearly asleep when a furry hand settled on his shoulder jolted him out of his near slumber.

"Hey, whatcha doing pint sized?" Fury said coming to crotch down next to the four by three basket that served as his bed. The human sized fox usually towered far over the boy, but despite his fierce features, tough nature, swift tongue, and stinging wit; the skilled swordsman had a soft spot for his little ankle biters. A frown settled on his triangular face as his electric green eyes scanned the younger's face. With the sleeve of his faded and patched light green overalls he wiped away the tears from the young ones face. The fox let out a sigh as he settled down and pulled the eight year old boy into his lap.

_There once was a young boy from cities tall_

_How did he know that he would fall_

_He came to know the starry sky_

_And bid the world he knew goodbye_

_He danced with fire, and played with rain_

_Thought his life was filled with pain_

_But with time he learned the happy days of his past_

_Would not be his last_

The boy snuggled deeper into the red fur fighting back tears as he listened to the choppy yet oddly soothing tune. He trusted Fury with his life, and had no problem showing his weaknesses around the humanoid fox.

"There there appetizer" he smiled putting the young boy back into the makeshift bed that had once been a laundry basket. The mutant let out a sigh as a sad but contented smile spread across his face. "I promise things will get better. Don't fear my little turtle."


	2. Chapter 2

**Part One **

**Chapter two**

**I wanted the first part of the story to a have a swift pace, so these first chapters are brief.**

Loud sirens assaulted his ears, as he booked down the hall, red lights glaring as the alarm of the prison sounded. Rodney let out an excited hoot and holler as the temperamental Rabbit speed by him. He couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face as he booked after his friend, arms out behind him as he darted down the hallway jumping of walls around corners before doing a back-flip over a security counter and disappearing into the vents. With the stealth and silence of the wind he snuck through the compound, listlessly surpassing the guards. Dropping down supplies, weapons, and tools at the assigned stations. This wasn't his first prison break and he knew what to do. During his time with the ravagers he had been apart of five prison breaks, aided nine slave camp uprisings, and many other such operations. Adrenaline rushed through him as he watched the scene unfold, from his place in the rafters as he rushed about providing stealth, intel and support. With a deep breath he dropped from the metal cocoon of safety and into the havoc below. He darted through the chaos, dodging bullets, swords and other weapons as he wove his way through the crowd. Sending roundhouse kicks into Ronans' guards when they went to attack him in self defense, before escaping the fight and getting back to the mission at hand. This was a rescue mission. They were here to retrieve Manny who had been captured by Ronan while investigating a lead on an infinity stone; some super weapon of some sort. It usually wasn't the type of thing ravagers went after. Evidently fighting the slave ring and prison breaks were not in the ravager description but the ship Fury led evidently went slightly roge a few years ago and now are more of unconventional faction of the ravagers.

He had to adjust the seat of the ship, shifting books under him in order to see over the steering wheel as took the ship out of the confinement bay and around front to where the infiltration hole had been blasted, for a hasty rescue.

"7914 do you copy" he spoke into the receiver with confidence and authority. "Preparing for pickup do you copy, over"

"Loud and clear turtle soup" Fury laughed gruffly.

A wild smile played over his face as shots fired around him his team sliding into the shipment day safely, their teamwork and solidarity like a well-oiled machine. Pulling the hatch closed he let the ship take a nosedive before taking it out into space gaining some distance before preparing for the jump into hyper-drive.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part One **

**Chapter Three**

**Hi I am going to do something unconventional and unprofessional in this chapter. I'm going to switch natives. From third person to first person, and this shift will happen within the chapter. I just wanted you to know that I am aware of what I am doing. And yes I am doing it on purpose. And no I am not crazy, I hope. ;) No I just liked the switch here. It's the first time I will acknowledge the identity of the main character, and the switch just came natural. I went to fix the mistake, but the first person narrative just seemed to add an extra layer to the story that it was missing. So I apologize if the shift is confusing. Please comment if you want me to switch it back. But to be warned the chapters from here out will probably be in first person. **

"Again" Manny barked the ravager standing in the middle of the training floor his arms crossed as he waited for his pupil to run through the obstacle course again. The young terrapin let out a breath preparing his aching body for another go. He had spent the day training non-stop. Though this 'training' was nothing like the safe, controlled and structured training Sensei had held in the dojo. That training he had loved and looked forward to, staying after practice to improve on his kata's and balance running through the steps over an over until perfect. He had practiced but not to gain his father's praise like his younger brothers accused, though he felt humble and joyous when he did accomplish such a feat. No he practiced to better himself. To be the best that he could be. So that he could protect his brothers. Protect his brothers from all the dangers their father always told them were out there, above ground. Though he truly never understood, until he was taken. Never truly understood his father's fear, his father's protection of them. Not until all he knew was taken from him. When he no longer had the safe haven of the sewers around him, when he had nothing but his own skill and instincts to survive on did he appreciate and understand his training. Sure the ravagers didn't really want to harm him, but they didn't coddle him either. Fury would shush him when he would find him on nights when it all became too much for him. And the leader of the ravager faction would hold him and sing to him, treating him like the frightened child he is. But during the daylight he would train him as hard as the others, constantly pushing his boundaries. He would show him the engines, teach him basic upkeep. Whenever preparing a mission, captain Fury would go over strategy with him. He would explain sacrifice and leadership. Talking to him about burdens he hoped he'd never have to bear. From the day he took the turtle under his wing, and decided he was more than just a prisoner taken from the sewers during confusion, havoc and escape; Fury had treated him like part of the ravagers, part of the family. But first he had told him to forget earth, to forget New York and his family there. He took his blue cloth that had been his mask and identity and told him he had to earn his name back. Which he had. From the point of his abduction he had been treated with disdain and mistrust. He had been little more than a joke to those on board. But when they had crash landed on Zanous 3, and surrounded by wolves, the young ninja didn't think he acted. He grabbed a piece of wood and used the fire from the burning ship to ward of the wolves standing protectively over his friend whose leg was trapped under part of the wreckage. When the others arrived the next morning the found stakes set up around part of the wreckage. Wolf tracks around the circle of lit fire, but not invading. To their continued surprise they found me lying protectively over Fury sword in hand as I waited for help. I was accepted that day. I could have ran, I could have ran for help, ran from them, ran to the people of the planet and beg for them to help me get home. But I didn't I stayed to protect another. And from that day forward I was considered a Ravager. I was known and treated as one of their own. I was given a place to sleep and my own pair of small swords. I was no longer called pest or turtle. They called me by name: Leo. With this new fair treatment I was shown my tasks aboard the ship, many of which were the chores no one else wanted. But I was also trained by everyone else a board the ship. Though this as well was unregular to me. They threw knives at me telling me not to flinch, snuck up on me, chained me up. But as the year went on my reflexes became so honed not only did I not flinch at the knives whirling at me, I could catch them mid air and hurl them back in defence. No one could ever sneak up on me. I also became such an escape artist that, trying to lock me up became more of a game, a challenge I could solve. And whenever there was an improvement in our security system I was the one to test it. It was this in mind that I once again prepared for the obstacle course ahead of me. Everyone else abroad had passed it at one point or another and now, it was my turn. Though Fury had the main control over my training, he had enlisted everyone to take part in their new member's training. At first I had resisted, but after saving Fury's life on Zanos 3 my protests grew weaker and weaker. I raced through the obstacle course dogging flying objects, moving past the swinging gauntlets with skill and agility. When I reached the end i was breathing hard, my breath coming in gasps as I stared up triumphantly. Manny smiled as he leaned down to pat my back. "Good job".

I beamed at the complement, before standing to wipe the sweat from my face with my forearm as I made my way out of the training circle to complete my chores. I needed to act normal. No one suspected I would bolt, they had all assumed I had accepted this as my life now. But I hadn't. It was an act I put put to gain their trust. Yes, I technically was a 'ravager' and the trust I had earned was true. But despite the loyalty, camaraderie and friendship I for some reason felt for them, this was not and could never be my home. My home, my true home was with my family with my brothers. My place was with them, protecting and caring for them; not here. The benefit of being at Fury's right side, was that he was often privy, sometimes accidentally, to valuable information. For example that Rocky was leading a heist tomorrow, evidently a museum picked a valuable weapon thinking it was an artifact. Everyone on board knew about the heist, and I'd been mapping the stars and knew they were back in the Milky Way. But it had been through overhearing Rocky's conversation with the captain that I had learned that the plan included using the sewers as an element of surprise. A tactic they had used before when they had accidentally stumbled upon me in the sewers, it felt like a lifetime ago now. That one faithful accidental meeting had changed my life. Now with their trust and upon gaining this information I could use this and their tactic to return home. All I had to do was sneak into one of the supply bags and stowaway on the heist. Once in the sewers i could easily slip away. Finding my way home would probably be slightly tricky, but altogether possible. With this plan in mind, I set about my chores. Fighting back my excitement as I mentally prepared for tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part Two**

**Chapter four**

**Sorry It took so long to publish this next chapter, life got busy. **

**There is a time jump here. This story is written in reference to the 2012 TMNT verse, and part two takes place in season four. Also in this section we will see more of Leo's brothers, and their perspectives. **

Leo's P.O.V

"LEO" Mikey screamed as he raced around the living room, a mess in his wake as an angry Raph charged after him. I let out a sigh from my place in the dojo, not even wanting to guess at what he had done to upset the hothead now. Mikey was a force in his own right, the prankster was relentless and quite clever when it came to new ways to antagonize his next victim. Sadly the next vicom was usually Rapheal; he had the biggest reaction out of the three of us to Mikey's pranks, and Donnie had a bad side you didn't want to be on for to long so Mikey knew not to push too far with the genius and me, well let's just say it's rare that Mikey can prank me. My time with the ravagers had done much to prepare me for such circumstances. My brother's often joked that I had a 'sixth sense'. I smiled at the term Mikey had dubbed my sixth sense: 'brodar'. Everything in my life was centered around my family, they were my life, so of course my sixth sense was atune and used to protect them.

"AHHHH" Mikey's screaming pulled me out of my thoughts as my little brother came crashing into the dojo jumping to cling to me for protection as he hid behind me from a raging Rapheal.

"MIKEY" Raph yelled. "You painted my door pink. PINK!" I just let out a sigh, not at all in the mood for this today. As the oldest brother it was my job to restore order and maintain peace, now more than ever since becoming leader of the team. I had been leader for about a year and a half now: I led my brothers, April and Casey against many enemies, many of which were mutans, we fought the foot, and have succeeded in halting two alien invasions. Through all of which I was the decision maker, the one who made sacrifices and kept the peace. It was my job as their leader and as their big brother to do this. To protect them. It was a job I took seriously, and loved to do. And although Mikey's pranks and Raph's temper fell into this category, today I wasn't dealing with it. Today was the one day a year I truly let myself remember the past. Since I came home, on the anniversary of the day I was taken I would spend the whole day in silence. I would dress in black and fast spending the day in thought or meditation. Usually my brothers catch on after a while and leave me. They know nothing about my missing year. After I had turned up missing, Splinter had told my younger brothers that I was visiting his friend the ancient one and that I would be home soon. As far as I know that is all he told them, and I never told them otherwise. Raph treated me with disdain at first. Me leaving for 'training' just confirmed in his eyes that I was a 'teachers' pet' and although it widened the gap between us for a while, It was preferable to the truth. My father had spared my younger brothers and I didn't want to ruin that from them. It was my job as their older brother to protect them, even if it meant sacrificing myself to do that. Because of my silence about my missing year my younger brothers' don't understand my 'dark day', I doubt they drew the connection my father did. They probably just assume It to be a form of training. On this day Splinter is usually the only one who bothers me. He never pushes me to speak just sits with me, whether in meditation or in silence. He thinks I'm mourning my lost innocence, mourning the year that was stolen from me. And in a way he is correct. But I am also mourning Fury, Rodiney, Rocky, Manny and the others. I mourn the life I had, and those I left behind. Just as the kidnapping had stolen a year from me with my family, escaping had stolen from me the life I had made for myself. Though it had been my choice and I never regretted it, I mourned it non the less.

"Why Pink?!" Raph snarled.

"Because it's pretty like you" Mikey giggled as he skatted away from our angry red banded brother using me as a shield.

"Could you keep it down, in here. I am trying to CONCENTRATE!" Donnie yelled from the doorway an invention of some sort in hand. The ruckus circling me continued as Mikey and Raph completely ignored the fuming genius. Suddenly a fist to the jaw sent me tumbling. The fist had been aimed at Mikey who ducked behind me. I had sensed it coming but didn't move. Maybe I was deeper into my meditation than I thought, maybe I didn't care, maybe it was my penance for my year of absence. I don't know. My brothers were around me in a second, fight forgotten.

"Leo! Leo are you alright?" Donnie was beside me instantly.

"Dude I'm so sorry!"

"Leo I'm so sorry. I was aiming for jug head"

I ran my arm across my face wiping away the blood. Not really caring about the pain in my jaw or the blood now smeared on my arm. Pulling out of Donnie's examination I stood and made my way out of the dojo. Pain I could handle, blood I can handle, but I didn't want to be fussed over. Today was a day to remember, I didn't need my brother's sympathy or worry. I just needed to be alone right now.

Raph's P.O.V

I stared at the back of my retreating brother as Leo wordlessly left the room.

"What was that?" Mikey asked, eyes wide. I kicked the ground as I let out a growl of anger as I stood up and turned away making my way over to the punching bag. _Screw this if Leo wanted to be a big woss let him. It was just an accident! He didn't need to be so sulky about it. _

"His black Day" Donnie's voice stopped my trek short.

"What?" I asked, taken aback.

"The black bands, he was dressed in black" was all Donnie had to say. I frowned as realization dawned on me.

"But Leo's never acted like that before" Mikey added. "He usually just meditates all day," he points out. I shake my head in confusion.

"What the hell is fearless' problem?" I growl.

"Language Rapheal" Splinter's voice surprises me as the elderly rat comes into the dojo, his hands on his staff. "What is wrong with Leonardo?"

I shake my head " Leo's just being pissy cause I accidently hit him when aiming for Mikey and threw off his meditation. It's his black day so he's just being aloof" I shrug.

"He's in mourning" Sensei's eyes are tired and full of worry as he answers.

"What?" Me, Mikey and Donnie ask at once, thrown by Splinters answer. The elderly rat lets out a strained sigh. "There is much I should have told you long ago" he says looking older than usual. I feel flustered with an ebbing dread in my stomach as I and my brothers follow our father into his room, kneeling in unison at his small table as he pours us each tea, before he continues.

"I am sure you have all noticed Leonardo's strange behavior once a year?"

We all have, but Donnie is the one who answers. "We have, we assumed that it was some form of training Leo puts himself through each year and decided that it's just better to leave Leo alone on this day."

"It's next to impossible to pull Leo away from his training, on his dark day. I've tried, he won't talk or eat or anything!" Mikey adds.

Splinter lets out a sigh. "Leonardo is not training. His fasting and silence is a form of mourning. A ritual he has followed every year without fail on the same day."

That feeling of dread grew at Splinters declaration, worry filling me as my mind started to wander. Leo couldn't be mourning a lost love one could he? The only people we know who died were Tang Shen and Miwa, and actually only Teng Shen, as it turns out since Karia is Miwa. But we didn't actually know her, and plus Splinter always grieves for her in the spring, not now in the fall. But what else could Leo be grieving? This has been going on since we were children. "What is fearless grieving?!" I asked, slamming my fist onto the table. "We are five, we have always been five. We haven't lost anyone and this started way before we ever went to the surface. What could have happened to cause this!?" I yell.

"Rapheal calm yourself" Splinter placed a fatherly hand on my shoulder. When my breathing calmed he continued his wise old eyes boring into mine. "This is why I never told you the truth." My eyes widened.

"Sensei?" Donnie asked, his brown eyes calculating and worried. "What's going on? Raph's right this has been going on for years" He shook his head as though reprimanding himself for not figuring it out sooner. I felt myself go through the same process as images and memories flashed before me, realization suddenly dawned on me. Leo's sorrowful eyes as he refused to eat, sitting in his room staring off into space with the most forlorn look on his face, wearing those black bands around his arms, always quiet and secluded the days following. How hadn't I noticed?! Why did I think it was some sort of training?! Leo had obviously been suffering. Still is and I didn't even notice! I ran a shaky hand down my face, turning I saw Mikey and Don as pale with worry as I'm sure I was.

"Leonardo is strong" Splinter spoke after a moment. "But that does not mean he is not immune from pain or hurt. Though he doesn't seem to be troubled most of the time over this, there are times, such as this anniversary date where it catches up to him" the old rat let out a sigh again looking years older. "I've never tried pushing him about this, not wanting to hurt him. I always figured he would come to me if he needed to, but he has kept these secrets to himself all these years. After a while I figured he'd outgrow this yearly grieving but I have come to realize that leaving this to himself to deal with may not have been the wisest option. And leaving you three in the dark was not only selfish of me but also unwise. You four have always been each other's strength, and I have unintentionally isolated Leonardo from you in this." My heart hammered in my chest at Splinters words and it took all my inner strength not to run to my brother and check on him as my worry for him grew with each passing word.

Donnie's eyes widened as he stiffened beside me. "Are you saying that something tragic happened to Leo in his childhood and you just left him on his own to deal with it?!" my usually docile brother practically spat.

Splinter let out a sigh. "Donatello as I told you I regret my actions, at the time I thought it best. But now I see my foolishness."

"You thought it best?!" Donnie spat standing to glare at our father. "This behavior started when we were nine, Nine! Leo was still a child, and you thought that whatever was bothering him. Still is bothering him was better left alone?!" I stood up to stand beside my younger brother in solidarity, Mikey beside me. But watched my brother's rare show of anger in silence. Not wanting to interrupt this rare unfiltered rant, agreeing wholeheartedly with every word.

"You isolated him! Leo isn't one to share his problems, he stuffs everything away and focuses solely on others. One needs reassurance and support when recovering from a traumatic event, especially children!" Donnie was red in the face with anger as he continued his rant, Mikey was crying and it was taking all I had not to break something.

"Donetello!" Splinter yelled standing up to face his son. "I admit that my past actions were not the wisest. But do not mistake my faults as intentional. If I hide things from you, it was for your own good! Now I understand your hurt and anger but I will not have my children disrespecting me like this" Donetello instantly sobered realizing his out of character outburst.

Splinter nodded his eyes softening as he once again took a seat gesturing for us to do the same.

"What happened to Leo father?" Donnie asked. "I'm sorry I got angry Sensei, I'm just worried and angry at myself" he lowered his eyes and I felt a pain of sympathy knowing exactly how he felt. "My brother has been suffering and I had no idea" Donnie scolded himself. Splinter reached out a hand to rest on Donatello's shoulder. "Do not blame yourself my son, it is not your fault. Anger and blame will not help your brother Donetello."

I let out a sigh knowing my father was right. I set my face in determination as I prepared myself for what I knew would be a hard story. Splinter let out a sigh as he pulled his hand back, settling himself as he began. "I never told you the truth thinking that by doing so I was shielding you. But you are much older now than you were then. If this is too hard for you or you do not want to know, then feel free to leave I would understand."

Mikey was the first to answer. "Leo needs our help. We can't help him unless we know. Were all for four and four for one. We never leave a turtle behind."

I nodded in agreement. "Fearless carries the world on his shoulders for us Sensei, please let us bear some of the weight with him"

"Please father, we need to know," Donnie added.

Splinter let out a breath. "About eight years ago today Leo went missing. I had sent him to look for you three, but when you returned without him I grew worried. Not wanting to alarm you, I said nothing and left you to play while I searched. When I went looking for him I found signs of activity in the tunnels close to our home. The further I looked the more worried I grew, it wasn't until I followed these tracks to a sewer junction that I saw these intruders. They were not the sewer workers I was expecting, they wore uniforms and carried strange weapons. I overheard a conversation between what I assume to be between two soldiers and a commander of some kind. They were discussing a break in or operation, and reporting a 'hiccup'" I felt my anger rise as I listened to the story, clenching my fists at the mention of invaders in the sewers. If they hurt my big brother in any way, there was going to be hell to pay!

Splinter's usually kind eyes hardened as he continued. "It wasn't until I realized what this 'hiccup' was that I became worried" My eyes widened as my fear was confirmed. "Leo must have come upon them while looking for you." Splinter looked down momentarily, guilt and remorse in his eyes as he continued. "He was struggling and yelling in the man's arms. As they talked. By the time I realized they had Leonardo it was too late. From where I was hidden I was too far away. Seconds after I saw him, their commander, a mutant fox said something about taking him with. A mere seconds later they disappeared in a flash of blue light." The old ninja master looked down, his shoulders shaking slightly as though the story was physically hard to tell. My chest tightened and my eyes widened.

"Leo was Taken!" I practically yelled.

Splinter looked up his eyes sorrowful eyes "yes"

"By who?!" I growled standing up, sais in hand ready to personally destroy the basterds responsible.

"I regret to say I do not know Rapheal. That question has plagued me for years. After Leo was taken I learned that a lab investigating alleged alien technology was broken into that night. The attack coming from the sewers."

"Are you saying Leo was taken by an alien organization?" Donn asked, eyes widening.

"It wasn't the Krangg? Was it?!" Mikey all but cried.

Splinter shook his head. "Similar technology Michelangelo but not Krangg."

"How long was Leo in the hands of these sewer scum?" I growled.

Sensei meets my gaze. "One year". I felt like all the air was sucked out of me. Those two words hitting harder than any punch. Unable to stand anymore I fell to my knees. Beside me Donnie gasps his eyes growing wide, and Mikey lets out a sobb filled whimper.

"After a few days you started to ask for your brother, not wanting to worry you I told you that I had sent Leonardo to my friend the ancient one." I felt my heart race as I remembered that day. I was so jealous of Leo then. Thinking that Splinter favored him and loved him more, and that had been the reason for sending Leo away, to Splinter's good friend. But it had all been a lie! Leo hadn't spent a year training like I had thought, he had spent that year lost and alone in the hands of these..these..these thieves! Who knew what he had been through... Too shocked to move or answer I just sat there like a stone, my mind racing as Splinter continued. "Over the next few months, I continued looking for your brother though all I was able to find were reports of alien sightings, and reported break-ins" as he spoke the old rat pulled out a folder from an old worn bag. The folder was filled with pictures and papers which he handed to Donetello who immediately started going through it as Splinter continued. "But the only relevant piece of information I could find was a similar case in 1988, where a boy in Missouri disappeared in a field outside a hospital in a flash of blinding blue light. The boy's name was Peter Quill, and he was never found." My heart hammered at the cascade of new information.

"Where did you find Leo?" Donnie asked, looking up from the folder.

Splinter let out a sigh. "It had been a year since Leo's abduction, and I had all but given up hope. I was scavenging in the outer tunnels of my ussal patrolling area one day when I had heard a sound. I had left you three at home so I knew it wasn't any of you, when I went to investigate I couldn't believe my eyes. It was Leonardo. He was thin, and looked as though he had been wandering the sewers for days. When he saw me he ran and lept into my arms like he used to when a small child. We stayed like that for a long time." Splinter's eyes grew misty. "For a while there I thought I'd never see him again." Splinter was quiet for a second lost in thought before continuing. "He babbled for a while about 'sneaking away from Rocky' and something about the Smithonaian. A day later" Splinter pointed to one of the papers in the onvelope, "the news reported an artifact stolen from the Smithonaian". I bristled and inwardly stocked 'Rocky' name away on my punch list.

"Did Leo say anything else about the people who held him captive?" Donnie asked, bristling with anger beside me as he forced himself to remain calm and collected.

"No," Splinter let out a sigh. "In all my time searching, I had not considered what I would tell you three when or if Leo returned. Even more I had not considered what I would tell Leo and how he would react to it."

Mikey's eyes widened as the dots connected for him. "You told him what you told us, and he kept quiet to protect us"

Splinter nodded his worn face somber. "He acted as though he had only been away at training, as I had said. I saw his inward struggle as he fought to adjust. But despite his struggles Leonardo just pushed himself harder. Though the changes were subtle, they were there. He had matured during his time away, aged. It was the first time he mourned" Splinter noted with a frown. "It was shortly after he returned. Leonardo came up to me one night, asking to speak with me. It was the first and last time he spoke of his capture and time away. He said that he had never meant to leave, and had done all he could to come back. He mentioned that the lessons he had learned had been hard ones, but he would learn to use them for the benefit of his brothers." Already heartsick the words cut even deeper. "After that he spoke very little and I had feared pressuring him, so I left it at that, letting him know my door was open. The next day he found Japanese cloth in among my things and faceaned bands around his arms, spending the day in silence. The next year the bands reamerged and he spent another day in silence this time on the anniversary of the day he was taken, and the tradition has continued since." My heart pounded in my chest as the story concluded, my mind racing. Suddenly Mikey stood and walked over to the chest of cloth in Sensei, pulling out a black band of cloth which he tied around his arm, the same way Leo had. Wordlessly my usually bubbly younger brother walked over to Donnie and me holding out two similar stripths of cloth. My eyes settled on the cloth, emotions raging inside me like a storm after the secrets just revealed. _Leo had been alone for that year he had been missing. But he was not alone now. We would not let Leo stand alone in this. _I wrapped the cloth around my arm with dedication, before silently leading my brothers away. Reaching the door I turned and bowed. "Thank you Sensei" I answered in unison with my brothers. Donnie disappeared to call Casie and April as part of the team they needed to know what was going on. I trusted my brother to be discreet about the details. But I knew come tomorrow we would have a concerned redhead and protective hockey player down here rallying around Leo with us. My older brother needed to know he no longer had to face this alone.

**Wow sorry that was a longer chapter than I expected. Next chapter I will have Leo wake up and see his brother's rally around to support him, maybe play with the grief band Idea a bit more.**

**Please Review. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Leo's P.O.V

**I usually don't write flashbacks, but since I'm using this story to experiment. Why not. Italics are flashbacks. **

_I was in the middle of tightening some loose screws on the mechanism that opens the boarding deck. Mechanics is usually my brother's fortei, but I have long since resigned to the fact that life with the ravagers means stepping outside my comfort zone. So after a long and grueling training spree with Retch. Alibit, Retch isn't the kindest on the ship so it was more like having the snot kicked out of me while the older bald and cynical ravager pointed out every one of my imperfections. Retch calls me weak when I complain, 'life isn't a playground' his words ring in my ears as I work on greasing the hinges. 'The weak die and the strong survive. You want to be able to protect ya self and ya mates, you need to toughen up, become stronger. Because turtle, your nothin but a pansy now. I ain't going easy on ya pancake so, toughen up or throw up. I don't care. If ya die it's not gonna be because i went soft on ya.' _

"_Hey" a hand on my shoulder pulled me out of my thoughts. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I turned and saw an uncharastically kind face. The man before me is in his mid twenties, his dishwater brown hair is short and carefree. And although his eyes seem to hold the depth of a man who has seen many battles they also twilkle with mischievousness, showing his youth and humor. I turn to the strange ravager before me. He looks around a few times before crouching down next to me, his voice low. _

"_What's your name kid?" _

_I frown calculatingly, but he seems trustworthy so I answer. "Leonardo, but you can call me Leo" _

_His bright eyes seem to dull for a second, but he smiles non the less offering his hand out. "Names Peter". I shake his hand, looking around again he continues. "Leo, how long have you been here?"_

_I frown knowing the answer without even having to think. "Nine months, two weeks and five days" _

_He gives me a knowing frown as through he has walked a mile in my shoes. "Where are you from kid?"_

"_New York" I answer turning back to my chores. _

_He gasps his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as he obviously struggles with words. "T..the big apple?"_

_I smile. _

"_New York?!" He exclaimed loudly before catching himself and lowering his voice, not wanting to draw attention. "New york?" he repeats, still giving me a baffled look. _

_I nod my head understanding his reaction. "I'm a mutant" I answered simply. He just shrugs and gives me a smile. Before smirking "just glad someone else on this ship will understand my outstanding pop references. Man have I missed earth"_

_Now it's my turn to smile "you're from earth?"_

"_Missouri born and raised" he smiles, his southern accent turned on thick. He looks around a few times again and I wonder why he's afraid of someone seeing us talking. "Listen kid. I was about your age when I was taken from earth. If you act out and try to escape like I hear ya did yesterday your just going to raise a whole lot of suspicion and make things harder for yourself"_

_I frown at him. Of all the people on this ship he's the one who I would have expected to understand me. I __needed __to get home to my family. His face is serious as he continues. "Now I know you want to get home. I personally have nothing to go back to" His smile falters as he continues. "But you probably have a home, a family"_

"_Brothers.." I interrupt. "I have a dad and three brothers" I take a breath. "I need to get home. They need me. It's my job to protect them". He looks at me silent for a second as though facing a puzzle. "How old are you?"_

"_Eight"_

_He lets out a half laugh. "Big brother hugh?" I nod. He smiles foundly. "I bet your a good big brother"_

_I feel my heart warmed by the compliment. "I'm from yondu's ship. We rarely correspond with Fury's regiment. So I won't be able to help you get away, I rarely head in that direction. Wait until you've gained the others respect before trying anything fishy or they'll make sure you never even think about running again." _

_I swallowed knowing from my own experience that the friendly words of warning were true. "You're too far out right now, you won't reach the Milky Way for several months, Fury has a heist planned about three months out from now on earth. Get in their good graces so that by the time they arrive, they won't suspect a thing. Keep your ears open and your head down." _

_He rubs my head fondly before turning to leave. _

"_Are you going to escape?"My question stops him in his tracks. His puzzlement soon morphs into a sad smile. "I have nothing left on earth" his eyes brighten slightly as he continues, his southern accent curling around the words slightly as a grin spreads over his face. "But don't you worry about old peter. I'll think of a way out. I'm not going to be a ravager forever." The older man turns to sit beside me with a shrug. "I have my own ship now, at least I'm no longer under Yondu's foot." I frown recognizing the name of the Ravager leader. I had heard that he had once been a Kree battle slave before the ravagers took him in. But the leader had been cast out after breaking the code. Fury, a rebel, was one of the few ravagers who was still in communication with the allianted regiment. I looked at the young missourian next to me, realising just how much a parallel our lives are. I pulled out half a kit cat I had found at a trading station we visited on Knowhere, when Fury took me along on a stop to sell a coveted item to a man called the collector. I broke the bar and half and handed half to Peter. He smiled at me before taking the offered food. We talked comfortably for nearly the rest of the day. We talked about anything and everything. Whether the conversation was serious or just plain silly, we were able to talk like too long lost friends. Peter gave me a list of old movies I had to watch, and shared some of the music he grew up to. I told Peter about my life in the sewers, with Master Splinter and my brothers. He was impressed to hear about my ninja training and even asked me to show him a few moves. A gruff voice over the innercalm finally broke the surrealness, as Cracklin reminded Yondu's crew to return to the ship. I was reminded that Peter wasn't a part of this ship. Peter's eyes were sad as he once more bent down to be eye level with me. Placing a hand on my shoulder he gave it a small squeeze. "You're a good kid leo. I hope you can get back to your brothers"_

_I smiled up at my friend. "If you ever need to get a hold of me" I stared at the small round device he placed in my hand. It was no larger than a round river stone, the black device was practically blank except for a circular lens in the middle I assumed would light up and activate a tracker if pressed, and although that fact should concern me, the forign device felt comforting in my hand. Running my hands along the device I found a latch on the side that opened the round device like a seashell. On the inside of the personal yet simple device, was a small screen, on the other was several buttons with familiar symbols and letters. "Yondu gave me this when I was your age" Peter said bending down to look at me. "I know it just looks like a space rock at first glance but it's a communication device. It has a tracker you can activate if you get into any trouble, it can't make calls but it can send written messages'' He sent me a fun smile. "So we can text back and forth." I just stared blankly at the small device in my hand before raising my eyes to him, a cascade of emotions coursing through me. _

"_I'm not leaving you Leo" Peter smiled placing his hand on my shoulder once again. "You're not going to be alone here." He tostled my head as he went to stand, smiling at me foundly. Without thinking I rushed forward and wrapped my arms around Peter. Startled at my sudden embrace he just stood there for a second before hugging me back. _

TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT-TMNT

I sat on the floor next to my bed, an old and familiar object in my hand. I stared at the small black screen, though I did not type, not today at least. After all this time I was still in communication with Peter. I know it seems silly, but he was kind of my anchor at times. When I first came home, everything had been forign. I had become accustomed to the ravager life. At first I couldn't sleep, accustomed to the sound of this ship that had become almost a lullaby. I was always on edge, my reflexes honed. My brothers were irritated with my behavior that was now so ingrained that it was as natural as breathing. I had trouble just cutting loose with my brothers, my senses always intune and prepared for danger. I wasn't as interested in certain games and activities as I once was. Feeling years older than my age after taking on older responsibilities and roles for so long, it was hard to revert back to childlike dependency. I had always felt protective of my brothers, and it had always come natural to comfort and care for them. But after life with the ravagers, I had become more suspicious and aware, just adding to my already existing protectiveness. Falling into the role of protector and leader was second nature, and felt as normal as breathing. Though at times such responsibility weighed on me, the weight was always present in my heart. When life became overbearing I would pull out the inconspicuous small device and message the ravager. Quill and I were two sides of the same coin. We had both been abducted, both lived the lives of Ravagers and, in our own way ,had both escaped. I had run away just as Quill advised: when least expected and close to home. Quill or Star Lord as he likes to be called, left the Ravagers when he formed the Guardians of the Galaxy. As much as he talks about them, I feel as though I know them.

After escaping I had tried to pick up my old life, resume as though nothing had happened. And to my brothers and Sensei I had. But I had held onto the communicator, in a selfish desperation to hold onto one last piece of the life I left behind. A year of my life had been stolen from me. A year spent in the vast unknown, far from my brothers and father. A year I spent with strangers, who I had grown to view as friends. Fighting alongside them over time, instead of against them. The comradery and protection I felt toward these ravagers, was always a whirlwind of casading and confusing

I don't know why I stayed in contact after escaping, I know I should have cut ties with all connections to the ravager world, but part of me just couldn't leave Quill. He was like family. He often talked to me like a little brother, and I often looked to him as the older brother I never had.

Talking to quill has always been as easy as breathing from the first day we met. He was the older brother I always wished I had. Sure he was galaxies away and no one in my family knew he existed, but I did. I knew he existed, and he was always there to talk when I needed him. And even more I was always there when he needed me. I understood him in a way others couldn't. Both of us being from the same planet and spending time with the Ravagers gave us lots to talk about. I kept him up to date on sports scores, major events and whatever he wanted to know. While he gave me lots of movie recommendations and song and artist lists to listen to. When I became leader, it was easy to come to him with the burdens my brothers never knew I bore. As captain of his ship, he understood the toll such a position takes: the personal sacrifice and stress. We were each other's support, providing advice, or an ear to vent to, or sometimes just a break from everyday life.

I stare down at the small device in hand, not surprised to see no messages from Peter today. He had always understood my dark day in a way no one else had. He never tried to reach out to me on this day; knowing I prefered the silence. But I have no doubt that it would be a totally different story, if he were physically here. There were times that I wish he had. There were times I would wake with nightmares of the past, or something would jog my memory of something unpleasant and I would just need someone to turn to. It was times such as these, that I almost wished my brothers knew. I wanted to protect them more than anything, but sometimes I wished I could turn to them. We had always been there for each other. And it pained me that my missing year had separated me from them, in ways that lasted more than just that year. When I woke with nightmares of the time spent alone on the ship, or when memories about the prison and slave camp breakouts haunted me in the night; I wanted nothing more than to run to the warm arms of Rapheal or feel free to confided in Donatello or just snuggled with Michelangelo to remind myself that I was home.

But it wasn't' my place to do so. If Sensei hadn't shared the truth himself about my missing year with my brothers; then it wasn't something he wanted my brothers to know. I understand his reasons, and would never go against my father's wishes. But it didn't stop my heart from longing or craving that attention and comfort. It was easier to push my brothers away in times like this. It was easier to suffer silently, alone. I took a deep breath. I just felt so torn in two. In ways it felt as though I had never left the ship, and returned home. Somedays it felt as though I had left a part of me, in space, with the ravagers. I grieved for my missing year, the time lost away from my brothers. I grieved for leaving the ravagers. But I also grieve for the weight I felt in the silence now that I have returned home. I have never been one who has kept a lie well, because my honor forbids it. This same honor has also held me to this lie all these years; in order to stay true to my father's wishes and to spare my brothers from the truth. But my own actions have caused a war within me, while also distancing myself from those I so desperately need.

I let out a small gasp that turns into a sob. Placing the phone back in the small nook in the wall, my special hiding place; I wrap my arms around myself as the tears once again take over. I am the fearless leader of the Hamato clan and will do _whatever _it takes to see my brothers through. I have never hesitated in sacrificing myself if the mission called for it, and would willingly lay down my life for my brothers. I don't let fear rule me when on the field. I have long ago learned of the power faith yields. But just because I know how to be strong, does not mean I am without weakness. That year alone with the ravagers made me stronger in many ways, but it also took its toll. And right now, as I sat with my arms wrapped around my legs, my face buried in my arms as I wept, I wanted nothing more than to lean on someone else for a change. If I could have one wish; it would be to be selfish for once. I was tired of hiding the truth about where I was for a year. I was tired of Raph's anger and jealousy over a story Splinter created as a coverup. I was tired of my brothers' seeing me as a stuck up workaholic. I wanted them to understand why I push myself as hard as I do, and know how these habits formed. I wanted my brothers to see me, all of me. For once. I just wanted my family.

**Wow, that was longer than intended. **

**I just wanted to introduce Peter into the story, and touch on the history of how the two met. Peter will be making another entrance sooner or later, but like I said this is a Leo centric story, and less of a crossover than most. Sorry for the sad sap, if it's too much please let me know. But don't worry I won't let Leo wallow alone for too long. Little brothers to the rescue! **

**Please Review. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Just a heads up, for those looking forward to GOTG references or apprenses; do not expect that from this chapter. This chapter is going to be loaded with emotional turmoil, brotherly fluff and lots of love.**

**Please enjoy, read and comment. I would like to know your thoughts and ideas are always welcome. (please no flames)**

**Disclaimer: Do I own the turtles?**

**-No sadly, I do not :( **

**Without further adieu...**

Raph's P.O.V

I couldn't get my mind to shut off, as I paced in the pit as I waited for Donnie to get off the phone. I ran a shaky hand over the top of my head, as my feet traveled of their own accord on the same routine.

"I can't believe it bro" Mikey's voice pulled me out of my own dark thoughts. Turning I saw my baby brother perched on the back of the couch, his baby blue eyes red from crying. I took a deep breath before walking over to give the younger turtle a hug.

"Me neither brother, me neither" I said as I gave mikey a squeeze. I just couldn't believe it. All this time. Splinter has been keeping this from us, all this time. And Leo being Leo, had done everything he could to keep this mess to himself. Who knew what stories he was hiding.

"Ok" Donnie's voice sounded strained. "I just got off the phone with April, I didn't tell her everything, but I needed to call them, her and Casey were planning to stop by later and with Leo's.." Donnie gulped. "Dark day..I didn't think it was a good idea.."

I nodded in understanding. "Good thinking bro" I felt a pain as I realized that before today none of us would have thought nothing of having company on Leo's dark day. Last year when we had Casey and April over, Casey had actually been more sympathetic than me, I realized, a pain of guilt surfacing with the memory.

_Casey and I were wrestling in the hallway. I had just broken out of Casey's chokehold by flipping him over my shoulder and on to his back, the baller was just about to respond when Leo walked by in a fog. _

_Mr. mother hen didn't say a word, not even a sideways glance as he just seemed to drift by. _

"_Wow, what's that about?" asked Casey with a frown. "Is Leo ok? He looks like he's seen a ghost or something" the hockplayer shook his head. "No, worse than that. It's like he's not even here, it's like his mind is somewhere else than his body" _

_I just shook my head at my friend, irritated at the interruption. "Leo's always like this on this day. Don't worry about it" I shrugged. _

"_This is an annual thing?!" Casey's eyebrows raised. "Dude that just kinda makes it worse" _

"_So Leo has a weird day, big deal. Leo's always been weird, he's just a bit more weird today than usual" _

"_This isn't just weird Raph, aren't you concerned? What if something is wrong?"_

_I punched Casey in the shoulder. "Shut up Jones. You don't know what you're talking about."_

"_Captain of coverups, walking around in a haze." The baller raised an eyebrow before shaking his head. "You're usually just so protective of your brothers when they're down. And now Leo's like this!? I'm just surprised at you all '' Casey shrugged. _

I shook his head at the memory. My own best friend had been more insightful than me. Casey Jones, who Leo himself once said had 'as much sensitivity as a rabid dog'.. I just couldn't believe it. All this time, my brother had been hurting and I had been completely blind to my big brother's pain. Too blinded by my own stupid jealousy to see the truth behind Leo's absence and had only thought of the pain it caused me, I hadn't even considered that the same event that hurt me so much, also hurt Leo.

"_Just because you're leader doesn't mean you have to get into everyone's face all the time"_

I cringed at the memory. Rage had fueled my words and actions that day. We later learned it was the Aeons home planet that was driving us all so out of control. But that revelation did nothing to my guilt at what I had almost done.

"_Don't start on that leader thing again Raph, you have always been jealous of me"_

Leo had looked so angry and hurt, but his words had only fueled my own anger. Leo had touched on a subject close to home. Yes, I had always been jealous of Leo. Leo who had been Splinter's favorit. The only one who was sent away on _special _training to our father's friend. Leonardo who always seemed so reserved, who pushed himself harder than the rest of us, like he was trying to outshine us, outshine me.

"_Jealous!? Maybe because you were always Splinter's favorite"_

I closed my eyes, and I could almost see Leo's bright sapphire eyes shining back at me, like they had that day. Leo always had a mask on, he was always so reserved so controlled of his emotions and actions. But not that day, that day his walls had crumbled and I got a glimpse inside. The anger I saw there was almost fighting, a rage that seems to rival my own. My own brother who always seemed so controlled, had a sea of emotions reflecting back at me in the pools of those deep blue eyes. Emotions of anger, pain, turmoil, betrayal, and a collage of so much more that I couldn't make out. Seeing those emotions so openly reflected had scared me, but not nearly as much as when the realization of what I had almost done, had. That realization had shaken me to ma core.

As my big brother hugged me, I realized just how close I had come to attacking my own brother with my _sias! _But before I even had a chance to speak, to apologize, or just make sense of the horror of what I had just done. Leo told me he loved me. HIs voice had been so firm and calm, so full of conviction, sincerity and honesty. Those words had anchored me, brought me back to what was real and what was important. But looking back those five words had ment more than I realized then.

"_Raph, I love you Bro". _

I closed my eyes, taking in the words and the weight they held. With those five words, Leo had shown me forgiveness, understanding and Love.

A weight on my shoulder pulled me out of my thoughts. Donnie stood to my right, his hand resting on my shoulder. HIs brick red eyes, holding the same cascade of emotions wrestling within me.

"Mikey" Donnie spoke with a sigh, one hand running down his tired face as he turned to face us both with a tired determined smile. "Gather all the blankets and pillows from your room and bring them down to the pit. Me and Raph will do the same. I'm leaving you in charge of the movie snacks. Just don't go overboard" the genius warned, holding up a hand. "Nothing crazy like ice cream sandwiches wrapped in pizza again..maybe stick to the basics.. I'll round up Leo's favorite shows…" Donnie took a sigh as he leaned against the couch, his haggard shoulder's slouching. "Leo probably won't be up for talking much today..you know how he is on his dark day…"

I nodded understanding my brother's direction. "But that doesn't mean he should be left alone either." A small determined smile pulled at my lips. Sure we hadn't dealt with this right in the past, we had been oblivious. But we weren't anymore.

We are a family. And family, stick together. Leo didn't have to deal with this alone anymore. We were going to stand by our big brothers side.

"We're going to show Leo how loved he is" Mikey smiled.

I nodded with a smile. "Fearless doesn't have to go through this alone anymore".

* * *

Leo's P.O.V

The darkness around me seemed to cradle me, a comfort like blanket of consistency as the tears abated and exhaustion lulled me into its grasp. Sleep didn't hold me for long, memories usually far enough removed for comfort haunted my sleep and invaded my consciousness. I pulled my knees closer to my chest. I vaguely noted the sound of my door opening; and light streaming in through the opening, penetrating the darkness of my room, as the outside world entered. It wasn't completely uncommon for my brothers to talk to me a little on this day, though they usually gave up on me once they realized I wouldn't respond to them. My eyes still glued to the far wall,I waited patiently for them to address whatever they came here for and leave. Though all I wanted with every fiber of my being was for them to stay..but they never have before.

I've always been surprised at how quiet Raph can be when he wants to. To my surprise, instead of mumbling a half-baked apology about earlier, which I was expecting; my red clad brother made his way inside. Walking slowly and cautiously, though making sure I was aware of his presence, which is odd if he is planning on pranking me. Not that I really give two hoots right now.

Suddenly I feel the grounding weight of two arms around me. Startled, I refrained from giving a startled yelp at the sudden contact. Sensing my surprise, Raph relaxed his grip slightly, but didn't move his arms from around my shoulders as my brother rested his head on mine, as he sat by my side, rocking back and forth in a soothing motion as he held me close. I let out a shaky breath, leaning into the unexpected hug. We sat like that for several minutes, my younger brother's arms a grounding weight as his presence comforted and soothed me. Just when I thought sleep may finally take me into it's grasp, Raph's grip shifted, as my younger but bigger brother hefted me into his arms and began carrying me out of the dark, admittedly depressing room.

Normally I would be struggling and voicing my complaints of being carried like an infant. But I just couldn't find the energy to struggle or complain, not today. I opened my sleepy blue eyes questionably, surprised to his usually gruff face softened with worry and concern. That reawoke my big brother sensors. Dark day or not, I couldn't ignore that something was going on. That is when I noticed the pit. The center area of the lair, which we had decorated with care over the years to make it uniquely our own and comfortable, was rearranged with a nest of pillows and blankets in the middle of the center area. Raph walked and settled down into the middle of the nest shifting me so that I was leaning against him. Donnie was at the TV, my box of Space Hero Video Cassettes next to him, Mikey appeared seconds later with a bowl of popcorn and a tray full of drinks. I blinked in confusion as Donnie and Mikey snuggled in, Mikey to my left and Donnie to the right.

I couldn't believe this, I had to be dreaming. We hadn't cuddled up like this in ages! We used to make cuddle nests in front of the TV all the time when we were kids. I blinked back tears as the theme song to my favorite show started up. I leaned into my brothers confirming to myself, that yes they were all here. Raph wrapped his arms around my shoulders, his chin resting on the top of my head, as Donnie leaned against my shoulder and Mikey all but squished me, as my younger brother snuggled as close to me as he could. Waives of emotions radiated from my younger brothers. I hugged them closer as I sensed their distress. They..They were worried about me.

I couldn't hold back my tears any longer. The screen in front of my blurred, as warm droplets pooled around my eyes and danced down my face. I knew I should probably be feeling guilt and worry at their behavior. Knowing that my brothers were no longer oblivious, and were affected by my dark day in a way I had always feared and desperately tired to avoid. After all, wasn't my silence for them? Despite that knowledge, I couldn't excuse how their actions made me feel. I felt safe, I felt warm. I felt as though a weight I had long carried had been lifted off of me.

Three pairs of arms surrounded me as my brothers shifted to encircle me, as a sob broke loose. I buried my face in my immediate brother's chest and did what I promised myself long ago I would never do. I let myself go.

I cried for myself, and all that I had lost. I cried for losing a year away from my brothers. I cried for being forced to grow up too fast. I cried for the lies and the silent burdens. I cried for the misunderstanding that caused division, instated blame, jealousy and built barriers I didn't know how to cross.

I let my voice ring out in desperation, I let my body sink into the warm embrace of my brothers in despondence and exhaustion as rain of sorrow, regret and guilt flowed straight from my soul.

I let myself surrender to the torrent of emotion within me. I had been burying my past, my fears, and my emotions for years now. Stuffing them deep deep down. And now, the bottle had finally shattered. Distantly I felt regret and guilt; knowing that I had wanted to shelter and shield my brothers. But another part of me noted that it was necessary. And I did what I never thought I could, or even thought I had the right or strength for. I excused myself. I allowed myself to cry. I allowed myself to be weak. To be open. To share my burdens.

My brothers had sought me out. They had reached out to comfort me. And when I had shown my weak side, they wrapped themselves around me. They blanked me in brotherly love. They dried my tears, and shushed my sobs, holding me close as I let myself release my inner turmoil.

As the tears died down as the storm seemed to pass. I realized that the dampness on my checks were not just from my own tears. I raised my eyes to meet the gaze of my brothers and took in three sets of red tear stained eyes.

_They know. _

As I gazed into their eyes, I saw all that my silence had fought to ovoid.

I had been silent, thinking that things would go back to how they were before I left. They didn't. I was silent so not to set myself apart from my brothers and create distance. Raph grew jealous of my time away, and saw me as a teacher's pet: creating a different type of distance. But most importantly I was silent in order to protect those I cared most for. But looking into their eyes, I realized I couldn't protect them from everything. I needed to start anew. The system I had was not working. It was broken.

Back then I had needed to protect them. Now I needed to trust them. Trust them with the truth.

I took a deep breath, settling my spirit. As I allowed myself to break one last rule. My silence.

"I'm Sorry"

* * *

**TBC **

**Please Review.**

**Oooff, that was a hard chapter. **

**I'm not exactly sure where to go from here. My muse keeps re-writing the story, so please let me know if there is something you would like to see. **


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